although FUCK valentines day Livejournal layout. But anyway...
Today I totally scheduled the Healthy Life classes, i got an A on my earthquakes midterm (go figure) and I went to the Ethical Decision Making course. Funny shit, there were so many kids there.
The only thing I didn't do was job applications, but I know where to go for that now so it will happen very very soon.
The icing on the cake is that I just looked online and found that MUSIC HISTORY is in fact part of the humanities department in the College of Letters and Science. I e-mailed the advisor of the department, found my list of unofficial piano teachers and I think that might end up being my major. Man. Lets hope that all turns out okay.
Tomorrow should be a fun day, although I'm gonna need to figure out where the FUCK I can get food before going to the Getty otherwise I might die of starvation.
Plus I'm working on tons and tons and tons of music. Sweetness.
DAWNS UPON YOU one morning you wake up to find the madness has taken your mind and you decide to leave you hop out of your bed and to the computer and immediately smash it upon your head, shattering your brain into a thousand tiny pieces that you couldn’t put back togheter no matter how hard you try and yet you are free, in the free mind overdrive where the madness really really takes you
you are taken now, and as you see the purple glass discs floating in space with heads underneath it and orange lights surrounding your eyes you realize that for some reason this all makes perfect sense.
even when you see the gray UFO floating in the sky, and you swear to god it must be an alien craft
your in free mind overdrive now
the madness has you
so what the hell? why not surrender to it? let it take you - just this once
let it take you into the other world where the rules have all been executed
hanged and beheaded (at the same time)
in this place you are free to scream in this place you are free to fly in this place you are free to run faster that the speed of sound but not the speed of light, we wouldn’t want you vaporizing we just want you to be free
in this place you can destroy the air in this place you can blacken the lights in this place time speeeeeeeds up as you explode into beams of energy the radiation takes you away into all the corners of the world and you fly into the hemisphere with an uncertainty about where you might land but its okay becase we will take you, we will take care of you
inhale this drink that eat this inject taht sniff this breathe this inhale exhale inhale exhale take a swig of my hookah and feel your brain vaporize
here in free mind overdrive
LET YOURSELF TAKE OFF RUN INTO THE WOODS AND LET YOUR BODY HIT A TREE its okay because youve gained enough speed to let your soul escape and your mind and your soul leave the body behind and watch everything from the stars, billions and billions of light years away
your in overdrive now overdrive overflow overkill overexplode REXPLODEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE try it shall we? kissssssssssssssssssssss
here your urges are completely gone here your energy is completely free pent up energy completely free repressed energy completely free your particles of light and soul fly into a thousand directions at once you are everywhere, spread amongst the very essence of existence because nonexistence simply is not a possibility not even here in free mind overdrive
The name of our band is going to be OCEANSTONE. Because last night, we were ocean-stoned.
SUCH A GOOD NIGHT. goddamn. Went to bed at 4, woke up at 1, i feel like shit but its amazing because its saturday.
It seemed like nothing was going to happen last night but somehow we ended up -jamming in the halls -using the beer bong -smoking two joints of Strawberry Cough -eating ice cream and cookies and chips -going back to westwood for a party where we played Guitar Hero -smoking two amazing bowls of Grape, which sent us to the bottom of the ocean.
Well no I'm exaggerating. But consider this: my friends have all gotten sick, and i didn't. Then I was feeling queasy after smoking hookah on thursday. I had a bad headache and was dizzy and thought i had a fever. But then I drank water, took advil, finished my Earthquakes lab and went to sleep. Friday I felt fine, but I could tell I was going to get a cold. Which is awesome compared to a flu.
Anyway, like an idiot I decide that Friday night I will smoke a ton of weed and hookah, even though I'm pretty sure the hookah from the previous night made me dehydrated AND fucked my immune system. But we smoked some Strawberry Cough, Grape (amazing) and my West Side OG Kush. It was a wonderful high. And then we smoked a lot of hookah and my throat kept getting more fucked. Plus I drank a shot.
Saturday morning I woke up feeling a little fucked up, but that was okay because that night was my cousins bat mitzvah. And I had a lot of fun at the bat mitzvah. Didn't drink, didn't smoke, ate a little too much but whatever it was fun and I was home by midnight.
And then i was an idiot, and watched Crash until 3 in the morning, and then my idiot roommate decided to do his laundry at 4 in the morning for reasons i'm not going to explain beacuse they are simply idiotic, and only a person who is so afraid of authority would do this.
Anyway, I didn't sleep until 5 in the morning. And I woke up this morning at 10 to go to brunch with my mom. Thats why I wrote that angry poem. Because I am fucking myself up and I don't want to, and I hate other people's lack of consideration.
I need to get healthy again. I need to get a job. I need to not smoke for a while. I need to not drink for a while. I need to go to bed earlier. I need to do my reading and my essay and my homework. I need to schedule my weed classes. I need to get my shit together.
So when we meet again, some things on that list should be checked off. I went to the gym recently. First time I've used my muscles in 3 years. My entire body was sore. I plan to go more often, and hopefully get rid of the soreness and the atraphy in my arms. Maybe get in shape a little bit. Maybe get away from some of this self destruction.
I just got a call from sebastian. If he and connor get their crazy asses up here, I think fun things will happen. Oh yes. Fun things will definitely happen. Until then, see you space cowboy.
Starting afresh each year is a good thing, even though this past "new year" was really just another day to me. I mean, the biggest change of my life happened in September 2006, what makes the change from December to January so special? Fucking punkass.
anyway, this isn't a very good poem but i got my thoughts down and i'm happy with that. Lately I've been just trying to find some peace:
I’ve been trying to live from day to day concerned with myself, not with what others say I’ve been trying to enjoy everything that I can And learn to grow from a boy to a man And I sit and it doesn’t even matter where I am everything looks the same, the patterns at hand I could learn to be happy at any place if I stayed long enough, and caught up with the pace But when I think of the future I’m overwhelmed The fear takes hold and I can’t even tell if I’m doing my best or trying at all I sorta gave up when I took the fall Am I lazy? Am I thinking? I shouldn’t need to decide what to do with my future this young, at this time I’ve decided to just try to live day to day concerned with the present, not what futures may hold in store for me, I’ll learn when I’m there it takes time, and its mine, the future I bear And even though tomorrow is linked with today Every day is different, and I’ll learn what I may.
fuck you world what am i supposed to do with my life? what the fuck am i supposed to do with my life? compromise was not in the plan
i refuse to compromise i refuse to let this happen you will not get me down i will not be forced to the ground with all the liars and all the meek that you stomped out cuz you knew they were weak you will not crush me, or brush me away I won’t leave, I’ll stay and I’ll stay I’ll pester you like a mosquito bite no matter what you do I won’t give up my fight I will prevail and I will thrive I will struggle, I will strive
FUCK YOU WORLD, why’d you do this to me? I have an unusable talent as far as I can see You fascist utilitarian anti-intellectual fools You are teasing me, you are just being cruel
BUT I WAS BORN WITH MUSIC AND WITH MUSIC I’LL STAY IT IS IN MY MIND AND IN MY SOUL, AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY AND I WILL LOVE FOR TOMORROW AND I WILL LIVE FOR TODAY I WAS BORN WIth MUSIC AND WITH MUSIC I WILL STAY
I'm gonna make a really insane Reason song and these will be the lyrics to it. Imagine me screaming these lines:
its all piling up its all crashing down stressing speed, lacking sleep striking leap, spying reap THE BENEFITS OF MY CHAOS DRINK THE TINY FITS OF MY CHAOS DRINK WILL MAKE YOU IMMORTAL
watch it bubble watch it pile watch it brew in my pit of money THE BUILDINGS CRUMBLE AND DIE AND SINK YOU KEEP SIPPING MY CHAOS DRINK THE TINY FITS OF LITTLE LINKS WILL MAKE YOU IMMORTAL
feel the pressure find your successor why is the sky so black? why is the air so thick? why can’t I see? why can’t I be? why crumble? Why bumble? this ringing in my head these shadows all around the blurring lights the dizzy nights why is the sky so black? why is the air so thick? why collapse? why brain synapse? the signals died, the electricity tried but I can survive the end
I HAVE BUILDINGS THAT WON’T SINK MY MIND FLIES ABOVE MY BODY’S DEATH THE CHAOS RINGS WIthiN MY HEAD THE DEAD WILL RISE WHEN WE ARE THE DEAD HA! HA! HA! HA! LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH BRING YOUR MAGICAL CHEMICAL I WILL CRUMBLE AS I SINK I WILL FLY HIGH WITH ELEPHANTS PINK I WILL WRITE WITH WEATERED INK I WILL SIP YOUR CHAOS DRINK I WILL SIP YOUR CHAOS DRINK I WILL DRINK THE CHAOS DRINK
I wrote this in san diego on my bed while I was high. I really like it, even though it makes absolutely no sense.
i am flying through my brain my mmind left my body and i can watch it move about and sustain damage and be trapped trapped on this world
my mind left my bodyy i’m driving me insane when i loathe the you of yesterday’s time the you of yesterdays yearnings trying to think the time trying to be me as you as we as see as you think me over falling on the moon, i see you well i see us moving but my mind is stationary stationary cautionary precautionary mortuary very very smooth smooth my mind until it can’t tell whats realy happening anymore forevermore and never more more more more more more of mor of thor of score swam to the shore and evolved into a human life my friends live my friends trust my friends i trust your friends see my friends the trees are my friends the bed is a friend my music is a good friend shoving me into the light where i am illuminated but my eyes, theya re clouded and my brain has been founded and i will be counted among the zombies in the sea
1. Atomic Flower 2. The Peasant Lament 3. Down with the Flower
The Atomic Flower Extended album:
1. Medieval Town of the Future 2. King Zulu 3. Gherl 4. Jousting 5. Peasant Jig 6. Atomic Flower 7. Peasant Lament 8. Down with the Flower 9. Zikers Unite
The Book of Tales (otherwise known as the most stoned album ever):
1. Introduction (Egyptian Dance/Enter Dagoth Ur) 2. Seyda Neen/Hobbit Whore 3. Waltz For Atlantis pt. 1 4. Nessy 5. Crashman (megaman II cover) 6. Chupacabra 7. Outer Space 8. Waltz for Atlantis pt. 2 9. Egyptian Dance (the Mystical Journey) 10. Dagoth Ur
The ROCKET (a space-rock opera):
1. Overture 2. Lord Tzee 3. King Zulu's Court 4. Zulu's Plan 5. The Rocket Launches 6. Hypersleep 7. Awakening 8. Song of Questions 9. Traveling Through Reflections 10. The Dark Wizard
11. Moon Song 12. Captured 13. The Escape (with the Orb) 14. Gaia's Legend 15. Sanctuary (with the Rocket) 16. The Wizard's Treachury (the Traitor) 17. The Chase 18. Passage to the Forest 19. A Beautiful Place 20. Shards of the Orb 21. Gaia's Greenery
Thats 40 songs. Most of which are actually written, some there are mere ideas. What the fuck? We are insane. The EP is almost done though, and I bet Winter Break could work out fine to record the extended first album. Book of Tales is more of an after though, and me and Brady are writing and recording the Rocket in college.
ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. I'm hoping that with this enormous song bank we can book a shitload of shows over summer and ressurrect the band we had. We might actually gain some attention that way. Man.
I found this poem in my file from the end of last year. I think it was written on one of the last days of Winter Break 2005, and I like it because I can recall what I was feeling so perfectly. Especially the first stanza, thats the best one. The other two are more like followups. I was sitting at my computer, my brother was home with his girlfriend and the fireplace was lit.
I wish it could stay like this forever sleeping in front of the fire listening to the rain outside enjoying the nothing
i wish i could have everything i wanted and that i could be everything i want